THE COLLARD GREEN TREE

Tuesday, November 16, 2010
THE COLLARD GREEN TREE

We’ve all heard of Jack and the Bean Stalk. That child hood fable sent chills down our spine as the giant furiously pursued Jack down the beanstalk, in pursuit of his stolen harp. http://pbjclibrary.state.ar.us/mural.htm

The precise nature of the beanstalk is not revealed. Whether kidney bean, lima bean, pinto bean, or some other, we know not. We simply know that it mysteriously grew over night from five magic beans, given to Jack by a stranger in exchange for his old cow. We also know Jack chopped it down in time before the child-eating giant could climb down to earth on it from above.

While reflecting on this fable, my mind drifted back to a time, long ago when I encountered a colossal collard green tree in southern California of all places!
Could there be a more unlikely “tree?”

I’d heard of the “fritter tree.” This alluring, imaginary tree was reputedly laden with gifts and goodies for unwary African children snookered into devious slave catchers’ nets, according to at least one account, by Charlie Smith, a 134 year old former slave, who had been so beguiled http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0394970/ ; http://www.ovguide.com/movies_tv/charlie_smith_and_the_fritter_tree.htm# The earth has many strange trees, but few as strange as that which I now recount. http://www.thatsweird.net/picture37.shtml

As everybody knows, greens are vegetables. Vegetables do not grow on trees.
But, collard greens sometimes grow on trees, I was surprised to learn. http://www.bountifulgardens.org/products.asp?dept=141

I first saw a collard green tree in Los Angeles in my Aunt Suzie McDonald’s back yard. In fact, she plucked some collard greens from the tree and cooked me up a mess of them during my visit, during the summer of 1973. They were quite good. Their tree was approximately fifteen feet tall, and approximately thirty years old, according to Uncle Walter McDonald.

I know collard greens reasonably well. My father, Elvis Mitchell Coleman, Aunt Suzie’s brother, had grown them in our back yard, practically year round, sowing as soon as the earth thawed sufficiently in late winter. Native Mississippians, we ate greens almost every day, either: collards, mustard, turnip, occasionally spinach.

Although we migrated to Missouri in the early 1950’s, our babies’ first solid food still consisted of pot liquor from greens mashed up in cornbread mush, which daddy would mash up and feed our babies with his hands. They’d love it! And they would usually cry for more at the end of feeding.

Collard greens are also known as tree cabbage or non-heading cabbage. http://urbanext.illinois.edu/veggies/collards.cfm Scientific Name: Brassica oleracea var. viridis http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/cgi-bin/measure.pl , http://urbanext.illinois.edu/veggies/collards.cfm The good: This food is low in Saturated Fat, and very low in Cholesterol. It is also a good source of Protein, Vitamin E (Alpha Tocopherol), Thiamin , Niacin, Magnesium , Phosphorus and Potassium, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Folate, Calcium, Iron and Manganese. http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/vegetables-and-vegetable-products/2411/2#ixzz15py7MqQp

A vegetable commonly associated with southern African American diets, even former kale snobs are discovering and celebrating its nutritional and aesthetic value. http://www.veggiegardeningtips.com/paying-homage-to-collard-greens/ http://oregontreehugger.com/collard-greens/comment-page-1/#comment-4186 Frankly, I cannot say that I’ve ever knowingly consumed kale, which doubtless is a cousin of the collard green. http://www.botany.com/brassica.html http://www.veggiegardeningtips.com/growing-fall-vegetables/

I wonder about, and am dubious of, alleged black people who are ashamed of collard greens. I speak now of Tiger Woods, whom professional golfer Fuzzie Zoeller “outed” by means of a reference to fried chicken, another southern favorite, and collard greens after Tiger won his first Masters tournament. According to Wikipedia:
But at the 1997 Masters tournament, Zoeller made an off-hand remark regarding Tiger Woods. After finishing tied for 34th place with a score of 78, Zoeller, referring to the following year's Masters Champions Dinner, for which the defending champion selects the menu, said, "He's doing quite well, pretty impressive. That little boy is driving well and he's putting well. He's doing everything it takes to win. So, you know what you guys do when he gets in here? You pat him on the back and say congratulations and enjoy it and tell him not to serve fried chicken next year. Got it." Zoeller then smiled, snapped his fingers, and walked away before turning and adding, "or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuzzy_Zoeller


Of course, Tiger Woods, despite his father’s unmistakable Negroid ethnicity, may not be “black,” according to Tiger, because his mother is from Thailand. Whatever, it certainly appeared that “little” Tiger was offended by Zoeller’s presumptive insinuation of his “Negroness” by his culinary references.

Tiger is not alone. A brouhaha erupted at NBC during black history month, no less, in 2010, when the posted cafeteria menu supposedly “offended” some alleged black people, because it included references to fried chicken and—gasp—collard greens! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/04/nbc-serves-fried-chicken_n_449821.html NBC apologized, even the soul food dinner was nevertheless served as advertised, and apparently enjoyed!

What is it about collard greens? A cashier at a local grocery store was bold enough to ask me what collard greens were, while stating she did not eat them. “Ask your manager,” I snapped, thoroughly miffed she did not know the identity of the very produce, which she was paid to price and to sell.

In this age of “natural” food or “organic” food, it would seem that the collard green would be celebrated as a wonder green! After all, in substantial part, it is responsible for the nourishment of some of the world’s greatest athletes, musicians, ministers, entertainers, soldiers, laborers, politicians, patriots, educators, administrators, writers, lawyers, physicians, artists, etc.

Instead of celebrating collard greens’ historic and enduring vitality, certain grocery stores do not sell them at all, for whatever reason. And many persons treat them like a second-class, taboo food, condemned by history and sociology. Jews and Muslims have religious proscriptions against pork. Hindus have like proscriptions against the consumption of cattle or beef.

But, I am not aware of any religious proscriptions against collard greens, unless the vanity of collard green snobs constitutes a creed!
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